Never Worry Alone.

Tonight is the first night I have felt like crying. I'm not someone who cries. My Scandinavian heritage keeps that in check. But tonight I feel despair. And it's only been five fucking days. It just feels like there is no stopping this freight train that is running through all of our lives. 

Add to that I’m having a little PTSD – so reminiscent of eight years ago. When each day is a fricking roller coaster of being pissed off, being sad, being worried, being anxious and then being thoroughly pissed off again. The feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming.

And I’m one of the lucky ones. The only thing I have going against me is that I’m a woman. So many have it so much worse. 

My Many Paws bring welcome distractions and entertainment and comfort. Thank god my partner for life is on the exact same page so we can commiserate. Same goes for my close friends. They all bring empathy but also diversions and laughter. And omg we need laughter now more than ever. My creative outlets are the biggest blessing; I am never bored.

Although the country’s situation is never far from my mind I do find some comfort, some hope in people like Dan Harris who doles out wise words that inspire me. 

“Action absorbs anxiety.” I don’t know what kind of action to take right now but as this whole situation becomes darker – and it will become darker – I believe opportunities for action will begin to arise. 

For now action to me is staying aware (although it can be a challenge when things change every five minutes); but more importantly staying involved in life in general.

Which brings to mind another thing Dan said that brought comfort. “Never worry alone.” That’s where my BFF husband life partner comes in and my close friends. Text streams and lunches and messaging and, yes, even the occasional real phone conversation. Video chats with my sons and their families, especially those little munchkin grandkiddos who grow and change by the minute. 

Another inspiration lies in Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde who gave a truly honest Inaugural Sermon on January 21. She was gentle, soft spoken and eloquent in her plea directly to the President for mercy. Mercy for the gay, lesbian and transgender population and immigrants who fear for their lives. The bravery she shared is unmatched.

So it’s hard sometimes, but try to hold on to the good things, the inspiring things, the things that make your heart beat. 

Because at times it seems like that is all that will keep us putting one foot in front of the other. Take a breath. Get outside. Fall in love with nature; she shares infinite ways to heal.

And take a puppy for a walk. 

Namaste