Something's Happening

In what would appear to be a total dichotomy to my last post… it’s not always easy being positive.

 Not every day. Because some days – or days piled on top of each other – end up being the compilation of one glorious shitty day. The equivalent being – it’s too much, enough is enough.  

 When you put your faith in something – a cause, a political system, a country – and it all seems to be falling down… it’s hard to remain positive. Worries about life as we know it, families, humanity, welfare – you know, those 3AM thoughts that make sleep impossible and result in the walking dead syndrome the next day.

 I am a child of the 60’s. Granted I was too young to really do any protesting (I was born in 1954) but I still consider myself a flower child, a kid for peace. I still have the peace symbol earrings I wore in high school.

 I followed the Viet Nam War and Kent State and Woodstock and Haight Ashbury all that was happening in that era really closely. JFK was assassinated when I was 10 years old, Martin Luther King and RFK shortly after. I was just a kid, but even then I felt things deeply.

 But my sadness now isn’t all about politics and the tragic road we are heading down. I feel a disappointment in things in general. Not all the time, not every day but it will hit me out of the blue. I try to do my best, to give back, to make a difference but sometimes it just seems futile. It makes me question everything ~ like, what am I even doing.

 I recently came upon a quote that spoke to me:

  “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.”

 As I’m typing this my 16.5 year old cat, Kobie, is on my lap with his head buried in the crook of my arm. Kobie is a very loving cat but has never been a lap cat. In the last few weeks he has begged to be on my lap. It is lovely but I truly sense he is telling me he’s slowing down; he wants the comfort of my arms. He has a couple of serious health issues which we are handling with medication, but it’s not necessarily anything that will get better.

It all has me searching for meaning. That sucks because at 70 years old I should have some answers by now.

But something is happening.